*reads teh journal again* most of that still applies, the reason I was getting upset was her lying to me about stopping speaking to all the people she has 'complicated' relationships with. She's always kept Stat around even though she knew he loves her and it would wind me up -.- lol.. well there were a few months where she stopped speaking to him occasionally, but she always let him hang around.. meh. Not me though! I keep telling myself why should I care. I don't in my head when I think about it, but it's just built into me now, I get so confused as to why the person I thought was perfect, is actually a total asshat. Meh. lol..

Thinking of Katie as jerk is kinda relieving actually.. lol.. I really didn't want to do it but she's not given me any other choice.. I can't keep spending the rest of my life feeling sad that she doesn't actually care about my intentions for us, and was only basing her opinion of me on me while I was stressed and depressed (I still feel quite stressed, but the dry patches on my arms and hands have ben clearing up a lot). I obviously can't really say that she's not a Christian, but she certainly doesn't know the meaning of 'forgiveness'. She thinks that she's forgiven me even though she doesn't want to ever talk to me again. I don't know what there is to forgive now. There was me arguing a lot, but it would have happened with anyone who was going out with her then wondering why she was being so cold all the time, and never wanting to put any energy or effort into the relationship.. if she'd got her way we would have never even met each other until February this year.. which is when we split up.. haha *sigh* heheheh *shiver* isn't it great when someone lets you think they love you for two years, waiting until you're pretty much completely dependent on them, and then dumps you in a manner than makes it seem like they could have been cheating on you? w00t And then they say they don't even care what you think. WHY THE <omitted in case my mum is dA stalking me> WAS SHE GOING OUT WITH ME IN THE FIRST PLACE IF SHE DIDN'T CARE WHAT I THINK? Oh well.. some people are just attention whores.. and I'm goooood at giving attention.. lol

And she's still treating me like shit, hence showing that she was never actually worth speaking to in the first place.. just likes playing with people then throwing them away (have seen it in the past), especially the people that she doesn't like o_0

Stat has hidden the comment that Katie posted back in reply to me.. and then teh comment I wrote saying that she'd hidden her comment too quick.. tho it was him that hid it.. oh well. He still fancies her then!

Katie said she's bored on one of her journals. Was gonna say 'tell me about it' but she's blocked this account from posting to that one. Oh well, it's her fault if she wants to artificially end the 2 year relationship (that was giving her her primary non-boredness) like that. She obviously hasn't found anyone else who will dote on her yet.. there aren't many as obsessive as me. I still feel she's going to end up in another relationship, which would make me sad because it means she's lying to herself (again), and also therefore lied to me. Oh well. I need to get a life hahahahahaha yep yep I also learned what 1st base and 2nd base and all that mean, and discovered that Katie didn't even want to go to 1st base, and in a way, she never did with me. Thanks for that dear. Annoyingly I can't just forget about you and the time you wasted in my life ever since you added me to your MSN. I wish you hadn't. I don't even speak to anyone else on MSN now, and I don't even know how to speak to people anymore (not that I ever did, but I was at a stage where I was speaking to new people and just having fun until you came along and made me think I was going to be with you forever). Ho hum. *sigh* What a selfish person she is o_0 weird. *shakes head a bit* I can understand why she would want to end things like this, but if she'd only talked to me more in the first place, instead of assuming that I'd dump her if she ever said anything bad about me, then this wouldn't have happened the same. Maybe we'd have saved a lot of time and money. I still love the idea of her though. It's stupid. Now I should never come here again.. I'd kinda managed not to but I ended up checking her page just now just because.. *sigh* anyway.. *wonders if anyone will ever read this*. She thinks she is loving, but when it comes down to it, she won't sacrifice anything for others. You may think her coming here was a sacrifice, but I was all she had at that point anyway.. apart from maybe her cat.. but we had 2 cats.. and she wanted to come over here anyway.. the doctor wants to increase my dosage of anti-depressants, I guess it would stop me thinking about all this crap so I should just let her do it v.v .. okie, time to go to bed..

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